Recently, my fobby mother gave me a pack of underwear from Korea. They came in assorted pastel colors and had appliquéd flowers on the front. They were something that only a six-year-old girl would find charming. “Don’t you think I can buy my own underwear?” I asked.
“Korean underwear so much better, so soft,” my mother said. “Wear it so you pretty on the inside.”
This was not the first time we had a discussion about underwear and men. One year in college, I lived in a house with three other students. One of them happened to be male. His name was Jason and he was a fifth-year senior. In his room hung a giant poster of the Mona Lisa smoking a joint. Luckily, the college was a several hours’ plane ride away from home, so my mother never saw that poster. But she was shocked that I was sharing a house with a man who was not my father or brother. “Make sure you lock your door!” she shouted over the phone.
“There’s no lock. None of the bedroom doors have one,” I said.
Then she had another brilliant idea. “Make sure you wear underwear when you go sleep! And wear pajamas with legs, not nightgown, in case he try something.”
***
As luck would have it, underwear became a running theme in my relationship with my mother. A few years ago, we were in Korea together visiting relatives and friends. We had a great time touring palaces, temples and markets. One of the most memorable sights for me, however, was a pair of mannequins at a subway station in Seoul. They were sporting underwear—sexy underwear. If this wasn’t freaky enough, the mannequins had oversized heads, with enormous, cartoonish eyes. It was as if they’d been constructed anime-style, except they had none of the cuteness of anime. The male mannequin had a goatee. It reminded me a little of Ethan Hawke.
***
What strange gifts have you gotten from your mother?
Leave a comment here, or email me at soyon_im@hotmail.com.
Asian women love big designer bags. The bigger the bag, the more surface area there is to show off the designer logo, whether it be Coach, Gucci, or Louis Vuitton.
While some of the branding is obnoxious, the real danger of these big designer bags is that they encourage women to haul around the contents of their entire bathroom. The more space a bag offers, the easier it is to stuff it with a ten-pound make up kit and electronic gadgets such as cellphone, iPod, and ceramic hair iron. Plus, when a woman finds herself at a buffet dinner, she can sneak some California rolls and shrimp toasts into that same purse.
Asian American women are quite athletic, as evidenced by their ability to carry their heavy purses, which can weigh up to 15% of a woman’s own body weight. The straps of the bags press down on their shoulders, causing them to walk lop-sided as they peruse their favorite shops on a Sunday afternoon. Adding to the physical challenge are the four-inch heels that threaten to topple their sense of balance. Fortunately, an Asian American princess can often call upon her BF (boyfriend) or GBF (gay best friend) to hold the giant bag and relieve her of some of the stress.
Despite the burdens of carrying an oversized bag, most Asian American women have multiple versions in different colors and shapes. Being a wide reader of fashion magazines, Asian American women will often know more about the purses than the women who sell them. At a shop, an older saleswoman (usually Russian) will try to be friendly and greet a potential customer with “Konnichiwa!” unaware that she is speaking to an Asian American princess and not a Japanese tourist. The foreign greeting will irk the Asian American princess, but only a little, since it is so obvious that the princess, with her advanced degree and plum job, lives a much easier life than the older lady peddling the bags.
However, the princess and the peddler may have one thing in common: They both like to save money. To feed her bag obsession, an Asian American princess will join forces with other princesses and drive two hours to a factory store where designer purses are sold at 30-50% off retail prices. This shows that Asian American princesses, while they may look like vapid fashion slaves with their stiletto heels and giant bags, are actually very frugal and smart. After all, they were raised by cheap immigrant parents who saved every penny while they worked at their 24-hour grocery stores and who made the princesses study really hard even on their summer “vacations.” So while the Asian American princess often falls for stupid status symbols, she is not so stupid that she pays full price.
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