Posts tagged: FOB

Kimchi Forever

By aaprincess, August 15, 2009 10:30 am

When I was growing up, my family would eat pizza on Sundays after church. A few minutes after we’d received the body of Christ shrunk to the size of a coin, we’d drive to our favorite pizzeria and get a hot pie with extra tomato sauce.

My brother and I loved the chewy crust, the bubbly cheese, the slices of pepperoni. It was greasy, salty heaven, and the cheese was hot enough to burn the roof of my mouth. I didn’t want to think about what it was doing to the little bit of Jesus that was inside of me.

As we were gorging ourselves and falling into food coma, inevitably, my mother would stop and say, “Hmm, wish I had a little kimchi.” My brother and I’d look at each other and roll our eyes. Our mother was such a FOB. Such an incurable FOB. She had to have kimchi with everything. Spaghetti? Kimchi goes with that. A grilled cheese sandwich? Put kimchi in the middle. Pancakes? With kimchi on top, pretty please; hold the maple syrup.

 

kimchipizza

 

Years later, I would see people flocking to fusion restaurants, where they’d pay up to a day’s wages for a tiny dinner. The restaurants are often celebrated with four-star reviews. Many of these places are run by Asian chefs who’ve combined their European training with their mama’s cooking. Or by Caucasian chefs who recognize the fact that Asians are not a “minority.”

You know what the key ingredient is in many of these places? Kimchi! At one restaurant in Seattle, you can get a mac and cheese with a side of pickled radish. In New York, you can have kimchi with your foie gras.

The coolest innovator of all, of course, is Roy Choi, the taco truck guy in L.A. who serves kimchi with quesadillas and Twittered his way to fame. And only charges seven bucks. (We thrifty Asian American princesses like that.) The Korean taco seems to be a growing phenomenon, as evidenced by Koi Fusion, which started in Portland a few months ago. The guy behind Koi Fusion realizes that the demographics of Portland isn’t exactly that of L.A., still he’s determined to bring the taste of Korea—and kimchi—to the masses. Who would have guessed that my fobby mother had been a trendsetter all along?

The Signs of an Asian American Princess

By aaprincess, June 6, 2009 2:38 pm

Are you an Asian American princess? 

These are the first signs:

  • Everyone thinks you’re at least five years younger than you really are.
  • You can play the piano, violin, cello or some other stringed instrument that is not a guitar.
  • If you got an A in a class, your parents wondered why you didn’t get an A+.
  • Your IQ is higher than your weight.
  • You had a double major in college because your parents didn’t approve of the first one.  Examples:
    • Art & Accounting
    • Dance & Dentistry
    • Literature & Law
    • Music & Microbiology*
      * Unless you went to Julliard, and then you are in a string quartet with your three sisters.

    instruments4

    Five More Signs of an Asian American Princess

  • You know the cheapest place to buy a Coach bag.
  • You’re 5′2″ but you tell people you’re 5′5″ because you live in high heels anyway.
  • You used to think your parents were so FOB when they ate kimchee or daikon with their pizza, but now you see white people flocking to overpriced fusion restaurants that serve the same kind of thing.
  • You have been to Hawaii at least three times.  (Double points if you went there for a wedding.)
  • You think halter neck tops are cute, but you can’t wear your padded bra underneath.
  • Yet Another Five More Signs of an Asian American Princess

  • You know some choice Asian swear words.  Examples:
    • Lo De - Asshole in Vietnamese
    • Dong Muk-uh - Eat Sh*t in Korean
    • Dew Nay Low Mao - Mother F*cker in Cantonese
    • Futota Kuso - Fat Sh*t in Japanese
  • johncho3

  • You’re dating a white guy, but you wish you were with John Cho.
  • You make sure your white boyfriend knows the difference between Asian and Asian American.
  • When someone asks if you can speak English, you answer, “I have a Ph.D. in Shakespeare, you dumb fuck.”
  • When someone standing on a street corner asks if you can stop to take a survey, you answer, “No speaka Engrish.”

If you answered yes to 5 or more of these, congratulations, you are officially an Asian American princess!

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